Please, let me fuck your mom
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
