I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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