somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
