I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
