No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
