I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
