I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize