i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
