butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
