I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
