Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
