Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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