Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
