I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
