she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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