bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
