He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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