I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
