I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
