what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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