Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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