This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
the raccoons are back...
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