Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
