Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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