i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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