dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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