Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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