Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
