i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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