One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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