hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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