Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
tell me about the fingering
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