Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
