don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
