If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The beers last night were like the tears from god
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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