Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
