She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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