Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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