You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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