please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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