the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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