They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
