ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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