Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
