Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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