hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
