I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
one two three fourrrrnication!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
