i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
