No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
