Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Randomize
