9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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