May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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