The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
