this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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