Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
