he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
