The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
