i just wanna soil my oats bro
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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