we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
