Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
