im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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