were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
