Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
