I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize