Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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