I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
