You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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