Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
